Balancing Aging Parents and Your Own Needs: A 50s Woman's Dilemma
Caring for aging parents while managing your own personal needs can be overwhelming and emotionally taxing. I have learned this first hand over the last few years. This blog post explores how to find a balance between fulfilling caregiving responsibilities and ensuring your own well-being. I have learned that the old saying “ you can't pour from an empty cup” is so true. Nothing drains you faster physically, mentally, and emotionally faster than being a caretaker. I will be sharing tips for reducing stress, avoiding burnout, setting healthy boundaries, managing finances, and prioritizing self care.This post emphasizes the importance of a strong support system. I encourage my readers to take action, seek support, and create a plan that works for both them and their aging parents.
Understanding the Emotional and Practical Demands
No matter how much research you do on becoming your parents caregiver you will never truly understand the emotional, mental and physical toll it will take on you.
Caring for your aging parents is a full time, never ending job. It's the same as raising children. Even when I go to bed at night the phone is next to me just in case.
Becoming my parents primary caregiver in my opinion is part of the circle of life. They raised me and took care of me and I know it was stressful especially considering my epilepsy. I see it as returning the favor of providing for me and raising me.
I'll be the first to admit I have been terrified at times trying to learn everything I needed to know medically in order to take care of them. It has definitely been a learning curve. I've had to deal with memory loss, helping my mother learn to write and count money again after multiple strokes. I've learned how to help my dad with his nutrition after having congestive heart failure. I've had to learn to safely help them with their limited mobility issues and getting them back and forth to doctor appointments, managing their medication and more.
It has been a struggle but everyday I learn something new that will help the process go smoother.
Time Management
Setting a schedule is one of the main things I suggest you start with. You have to make sure you have time for everything you need to do on a daily basis whether that's work, family, friends, self care, etc. and to be able to provide the assistance they need.
One way I have learned to save time is when it comes to grocery shopping. Instead of making two trips to the grocery store each week I have someone go with me to the store so I can use two shopping carts. I do my parents grocery shopping and ours at the same time and this saves me time.
I have also taught my parents how to use technology ( not easy by any means) and set up online bill pay for them because the less time I have to spend on the road dropping off bills the more time I have to take care of them. From medical needs, helping them with medication, cleaning, laundry, etc.
Setting Healthy Boundaries
There are many ways you may have to help your parents but the most important thing to know is when to ask for and set up professional medical help when needed. We had to use home health care and physical therapy at home after my mom's last hospital stay for about a month because it was beyond my ability. A quick call to the insurance company and they set this up for us along with medical equipment being delivered to the house before she was released from the hospital so everything was set up including home health care before she was home.
Prioritizing Self-Care Without Guilt
Self care is crucial for any kind of caregiver. Physically you will not last very long taking care of others if you never make time for yourself. I realize some people may feel guilty putting themselves first, I'm definitely one of those people.However I've learned ( the hard way) that I'm no good to the people that need me if I'm exhausted.
There are several ways to avoid caretaker burnout. Taking breaks is essential. Even small, short breaks are important to taking care of yourself. Enlist family members, friends to help for an hour or two so you can rest.
Enlisting Help: Building a Support System
Having a good support system makes things so much easier. I have my husband, daughter, my aunt, and even neighbors that help with my parents. Having this support system makes this so much easier and more efficient.
Managing Finances and Long-Term Care Planning
Talking to your parents about their wishes can be stressful for everyone involved. Unfortunately it's a conversation that has to be had. Especially a discussion involving finances, medical care is not easy on the wallet. Over the years I have had to learn the ins and outs of medicare, living wills, power of attorney, as well as if and when they may need to be placed in a nursing home.These are key things to know especially if you are the primary caregiver.
Coping with the Stress of Caregiving
I would love to tell you how to keep your stress level down when you're a caregiver, unfortunately it really isn't a one size fits all. I will tell you what works for me though. Walking, reading, meditation, mindfulness, chakra balancing, aromatherapy, and relaxation music. Walking is a great way for me to clear my head and I usually walk about five to ten miles a week. I realize that probably doesn't sound like much but currently it's what I can work on each week and it helps reduce my stress level. I wake up around four in the morning so I have some time to myself and do my meditation and chakra balancing with some aromatherapy mixed in . At night I put on some relaxation music, grab a cup of tea and read for a couple of hours.
The most important things to remember is to
make yourself as much of a priority as the ones you're taking care of.
Never be afraid to ask for help, especially medical professionals when needed.
Research anything you don't understand.
Never feel guilty when you need to step back and take care of yourself.
How are you taking care of yourself? Let me know in the comments.
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